CONTINUING THE PERFECT SIT-COM

STARRING: Keeley Hazell, Lucy Pinder, Katie Price, Adriana Lima, Gisele Bundchen, Alessandra Ambrosio, Ana Beatriz Barros

You may recall babe100 recently launched our own exciting soap/sit-com Bayfox! You let us know how much you loved it so we’ve had the scriptwriters on overdrive and the babes on permanent alert to put together episode two. So without further ado, here it is…

The last episode ended on a cliffhanger as Petra Nemcova, casting director for a new babe frenzy beach TV show set in California, mysteriously disappeared. She was controversially replaced by Katie Price, who announced that the plum role of the beach babe with special powers went to Keeley Hazell, or SUPERBREASTS as she is to be known on the series. We rejoin the drama as Keeley starts filming the new show…

KEELEY: I’ve always wanted to parade around a beach in a bikini with the cameras on me. LUCY: Yeah, it must make a change to keep your top on. KEELEY: Oooh Lucy, you are awful. I’m so glad Katie Price gave you the role of my assistant in Bayfox. LUCY: Yeah babe, she called it the power of the boob! KATIE: Ok stop gossiping you two – time for action. Just jog along the beach looking gorgeous for the opening shots. And make sure you jiggle. I want to see lots of jiggling. LUCY: What’s our motivation, Ms Price? KATIE: Motivation Pinder? Your motivation is to get all the babeluvers gagging for you. Shouldn’t be difficult. Stick your chest out and they’ll all be too busy panting they won’t worry about anything else. Works for me every time. KEELEY: Should I pout or something? KATIE: Do what you like – no-one’s gonna be looking at your face, darling. Just make sure you jiggle. And if you have a wardrobe malfunction and your knockers happen to pop out of your top while you’re jiggling, don’t worry about it. You may get banned from MTV for a while and you might see some steam coming out of the ears of the Americans but it didn’t do Janet Jackson any harm. LUCY: Oooh, I love jiggling. I could jiggle for England, me. KATIE: Get on with it then. I’m just taking Peter behind the rocks for a quick one… KEELEY: A quick what? KATIE: Erm, a quick…erm…script consultation! Yes, that’s it, we’re going for a script consultation. It may take a while. What did you think I meant? We’re going to work out an exciting plot development to keep the boys glued. Maybe you can buy a daring new red bikini or something. (Keeley and Lucy skip off hand in hand among the surf while the cameras roll) KEELEY: Do you think we’re jiggling enough, Lucy? LUCY: Yeah, ‘course we are. Specially you, Keels – I love watching you jiggle. You jiggle better than anyone I know. Wish I could jiggle like you babes. Your jiggling always gets me going. You can take me to Planet Lesbos any time you like, babe! KEELEY: Oooh Luce you are awful. Fancy a drink later? I’m dying to see Luce on the juice! (they hear squealing sounds from the sea) LUCY: ‘Ere, Keels, what’s that noise? KEELEY: Dunno babes. Sounded like dolphins or summat. LUCY: Oooh, Keels, I love dolphins. That’s go have a peek. KEELEY: They could be in trouble. This is a job for…SUPERBREASTS! (they both laugh and swim out to sea, carried along at the speed of light by their enormous boobs). LUCY: Can you see the cute little dolphin, Keels? (Keeley squinting at a struggling figure behind a rock.) KEELEY: No, it’s not a dolphin, it looks like a….babe. LUCY: Hey Keels, I recognise that babe… KEELEY: I don’t believe it…it’s….Adriana Lima! ADRIANA: Help! Help! I can’t swim! LUCY: Adriana Lima can’t swim? With boobs like that? Don’s they all come out of the womb swimming in Brazil? Who’s she trying to kid? ADRIANA: Please help me Superbreasts, I’m drowning! KEELEY: Come on Luce, we’d better save her. We are meant to be lifeguards after all. Katie’s probably filming it for the show. LUCY: Whatever you say Keels. (they zoom over to Adriana, thrashing away in the water) ADRIANA: Thank you, thank you, I couldn’t stay afloat much longer. KEELEY: Just hang on to my breasts Adriana and I’ll drag you to that rock over there. ADRIANA: Wow! No wonder they call you Superbreasts! (Keeley and Lucy drag Adriana to safety on the rock, but as they arrive, they see a Brazilian flag) LUCY: What’s that, Adriana? ADRIANA: It’s our flag. We use it to cover the entrance to our cave. LUCY: We? Who’s we? ADRIANA: Me and my pussee… KEELEY: Pussee?!? ADRIANA: Sorry, I mean posse. LUCY: Posse? What are you – gangsta babe all of a sudden? KEELEY: (nervously) Who’s in your posse? ALESSANDRA AMBROSIO & GISELE BUNDCHEN (suddenly appearing from the cave): We are! (They grab Keeley and Lucy, drag them into the cave) KEELEY: What are you doing? GISELE: We are taking custody of you and your super breasts, Superbreasts! Good work, Adriana! KEELEY: What you on about, you daft bint! ALESSANDRA: We’re taking you prisoner! LUCY: Unlucky Keels. I’ll be off then… GISELE: Not so fast Superdraw, you’re under arrest also. LUCY: What? Why? GISELE: You have been taken under the custody of the BBBBs. KEELEY: The BBBBs? Hang on a friggin’ second there, li’l miss dynamite, you’re not the BBBBs - WE are the BBBBs. We always have been. How can you be the BBBBs when it stands for Big Breasted Brit Babes? GISELE: Not any more, honey. We’ve liberated the BBBB franchise and claimed it for the Big Breasted Brazilian Babes. The BBBB is now officially flying under the flag of Brazilia! LUCY: Well, I’ll be jiggered! ALESSANDRA: You think we are going to jeeger you? You should be so lucky, you Ingleesha dirtbag! LUCY: No…jiggered means…well, I don’t really know what it means but….dirtbag? Did you call me dirtbag? So you’re an emo punk now, are you? (Lucy and Alessandra start fighting, ripping eachother’s tops off. They stare at eachother for a second). ALESSANDRA: Hmmmm…you haf the nice boobies. LUCY: Oh thanks babe – yours are a bit tasty too. ALESSANDRA: You wanna haf a jigger? LUCY: No you’re alright babe… (Gisele picks up Alessandra under one arm and Keeley under the other) GISELE: Talking enuff already! We haff work to do! (she throws Keeley and Lucy into a makeshift cell at the back of the cave. As they fall they realise they have landed on someone else) KEELEY: There’s someone else here, Luce. LUCY: It’s Petra Nemcova! KEELEY: Lord luvaduck, so it is. What are you doing here, Petra? PETRA NEMCOVA: I was kidnapped from the beach at Bayfox, blindfolded and brought here. LUCY: So you’ve been kidnapped too. Why did they kidnap you? PETRA: So I could stand trial. KEELEY: For what? PETRA: Anti-social crimes. KEELEY: What did you do? PETRA: I went out with James Blunt. LUCY: To be fair, that IS pretty serious. You’re lucky they didn’t hang you for that. GISELE: Shut it, you Inglishas. And, er, Czech Republica. No more talking. We haf work to do. ADRIANA: What do we do now, boss lady? GISELE: We will return to the beach, take over Bayfox, raise our flag and continue the campaign for a world run by the babes of Brazilia! ALESSANDRA: Sweet! Let’s go. ADRIANA: But who’s gonna guard the Inglisha babes? (Enter Ana Beatriz Barros in skimpy swimwear with a huge dagger sticking out of her bikini bottoms) ANA: That’s why I’m here. To serve the cause of the mighty Big Breasted Brazilian Babes, future rulers of the world. (she turns to Keeley and Lucy) ANA: Any trouble from you Inglisha prisoners and I will throw all your make-up in the sea! KEELEY & LUCY: Nooooooooooooooooooooo! ANA (smirking): I do not think these ladies will give me any trouble! GISELE: I know I can trust you, Ana. ANA: Yes you can, boss lady. Now go and fight for the honour of the BBBBs. (they have a group hug, sing a chorus of “The Girl From Ipanema”, finish with a round of high fives and dash back into the sea, cackling as Ana waves them away.) KEELEY: This is another fine mess. I don’t know how we’re gonna get out of this one, Luce… LUCY: I hate to say it Keels, but I think we’re well and truly JIGGERED.

Will Keeley Hazell and Lucy Pinder get themselves unjiggered? What other evil schemes do Gisele Bundchen and her army of BBBBs have up their sleeves? Will Ana Beatriz Barros’s dagger stay in her bikini bottom? Who will save Bayfox from the dark forces. And has Katie Price put Peter down yet?

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