WHEN BABES ARE SO SEXY WORDS FAIL YOU…

Well, of course, we’re all lovers of language, but sometimes, just sometimes words are not enough. The world simply doesn’t have the vocab to do full justice to the glory of babedom. Naturally I don’t want to be crude or say anything obscene to describe the objects of my dreams, so I’ve devised a new dictionary of totally new words that I think gets the message across. Let me know if you have any better ones…

	The other night I went clubbing and guess who I saw? There was the FRUCKY Paris Hilton having a LIPSNUG with that TRUMMY SNIGGLE Scarlett Johansson. I was going to ask if they wanted a hot BARPER when I caught sight of Pamela Anderson’s SCHERNOODLES. She was with the SCRUMPACIOUS Mischa Barton who looked ready for a POOGALOO with Keeley Hazell until Sam Cooke arrived after a steamy YOGOFF with the MIFFAKING Abigail Clancy. I invited Jennifer Ellison for a RANTYTOT and we FILLICKED for 45 minutes as Sugababes and Girls Aloud got together for a splendid BLONK. I SHUNKED them all and disappeared in the UNGER with Lucy Pinder, whose FLUBBLE is as MIVVY as ever, though the MIVVIEST MIVVER I’ve ever had was Jennifer Lopez. My evening ended with a full-on HANSEY-DO from Jessica Alba while Eva Longoria YOMMED my PINKLETON, Cameron Diaz CUMMELLED Angelina Jolie’s MORMS and Cara Brett TISSLED with Katie Marie Cork’s KRUK. The SUZZELLY Halle Berry flashed me one of Naomi Campbell’s PERKLES as I left to end a perfect night. I then went home for a good NITTIFUNKBOCKER…

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